Second of all, I lost 0.6 of a pound this week. So I didn't hit my ultimate goal (1 more pound to go) but I also didn't gain, which is what I was afraid of! Thankful for that!
Onto more important things...
Recently, blogger SkinnyMeg had a post titled "More Than Being Skinny". If you haven’t read it yet, you really should. It gave great insight into the many benefits that exercise and healthful eating can bring to your life – besides the weight loss, of course! I don’t think you can possibly read about her journey without feeling proud of the positive changes she’s made, and how far she's come.
Naturally, it got me thinking about my own struggles. Many of you know that this isn’t my first rodeo – I successfully lost weight once before, and even kept it off for awhile…until marriage, school, and the stresses of daily life caused me to lose focus. After that I spent entirely too much time eating, being lazy, and feeling miserable about my appearance. Throw in my depression and anxiety disorders (sometimes well-treated, sometimes not) and you had a pretty unhappy Brenna.
I hit a breaking point last summer, a few months after having my second child. I was grumpy all the time, mad at myself, and feeling like a failure in my life. There were many reasons for this – and most of them could NOT be fixed by eating well and exercising. But after being dragged against my will to the doctor's (for my own good, I will admit) and put on proper medication to stabilize my moods, I realized that out of all of the stresses that were causing me pain, my eating and activity habits were at least things that I had control over. (And let’s face it – when you can’t stop screaming and crying, and your doctor orders you to get “one hour each day just to yourself”, it’s pretty easy to find family members willing to offer support).
I’d be lying if I said that I cared about anything other than weight loss…at first. I’d tell myself that I wanted to set a better example for my children – and I DID – but thinning out was definitely the main goal. I wanted to look at photos of myself and not be saddened and frustrated at what stared back. But very, VERY quickly, it became about so much more.
I suddenly had more energy. I was sleeping better. I felt more bonded to my family. My anger dissipated. I became a better wife and mom. Some of this was due to the medication, and I am thankful for that. But a lot was ALSO due to my new lifestyle - and knowing that I made those changes myself is something I can be proud of!
So it's no longer about being skinny for me, either. It's about knowing that I don't back down when a challenge presents itself. It's about the feeling I get when I shave a few more minutes off of my best run time. It's about knowing how far I've come, and how hard I had to try. It's about being pro-active with my health. It's about letting the little things in life bring me happiness again.
And you know what? I like that.
P.S. I'm sponsoring Holly's blog in April. Check it out!