Something has been rolling around in my head for awhile...but I'm not sure exactly how to write it out. It's a real weakness of mine, having thoughts rolling around in my head that I can't manage to get out. But, I'm going to try. It needs to be said.
I feel like I suck.
I guess that's the best way to start. Lately, I've been engaging in a lot of self-loathing. Whether it relates to work, motherhood, or health and fitness, I just have been feeling like I can't do anything right. I'm sure that part of these feelings are due to stress, and that some are related to my anxiety and depression problems (actually, I KNOW that's a big factor), but nonetheless, it's been no fun going around feeling like there is a big grey cloud following me.
No, I'm not saying this for sympathy. I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I am telling you this for a reason.
My regular followers have probably noticed that my blogging has sucked lately. It hasn't been as upbeat, nor as interesting. The truth is, my Debbie Downer attitude has left me feeling very un-inspirational. And I struggle with what to write.
When I started making this blog into one that revolved more around fitness and weight loss, there were two reasons for it: One, to help keep myself accountable, and two, to hopefully encourage others who were struggling. I know that when I struggle, one of the most motivating things for me is to read about others' successes. And I wanted to help be that person for you.
I'm not special, so I really believed that if I could do it, you could too.
But because I've been struggling so much lately, I feel like I don't deserve to be thought of that way. Lately, I've been the prime example of what NOT to do. I don't know what to write about because all I want to do is whine about how hard things have been for my lately...and that is just not helpful to anyone. I worry that people will look and me and think, "Wow, everything in moderation? Follow your own advice, woman!"
But, at the same time, I have been SO LUCKY. I haven't received one negative comment or email. Only encouragement. And for that, I am so thankful. And because of that, I will still continue to write.
I need to start making a real, HONEST effort to get back on track. It's going to be a challenge this week, because I'm on holidays from work...but what better time to start that when it's challenging?
I think I'm back. And I hope you stick around to help me re-lose these last 10 pounds.