Life is funny.
A year ago, I could have weighed 40lbs less than I do now and felt miserable. I would have hated how I looked, how I felt...heck, I think I would have just hated myself!
Yet, here I sit now, the biggest I've ever been (and yes, that means I weigh more now than I did when I was 9 months pregnant) and I do not hate myself. I do not hate my body. In fact, I am rather happy with myself. Because the truth is, I needed a break. I needed a break from stressing over calories and fat, how many calories I was burning at the gym, how soon I could fit into my old clothes...the list goes on and on. I was just DONE. Surely you all can understand that.
Of course, I put on weight really easily and really quickly. Which is why I quickly go to be the size that I currently am. But you know what? My body still works. I still wear non-plus-sized clothes. I still get told that I am beautiful, or that I have a nice smile. And I actually feel MORE confident than I did before, because I am happy with myself. I like myself.
Does that mean that I am done trying to lose weight? No. Not at all. I know that I am not as healthy as I could be, and I know that I could feel even more confident at a lower weight. I'm just not willing to beat myself up over it, or obsess over it like I did before.
As of today, I am starting a new weight loss plan. It is nothing special - I will watch my portions, but not count points or calories. I will exercise 3 or more times per week, but I will focus on what exercises I WANT to be doing, not what I think I should be doing. I want to make happiness a priority in all areas of life, and my physical body should be no different.
I am going to try this for a month and see how it goes. If the weight isn't coming off, or if I still find myself binge eating, then I will re-evaluate. But for now, this feels right for me.
And here's something interesting: I read somewhere that the age where women tend to feel the most confident, sexy, and happy is 31. Seems fitting, as that is my exact age...